i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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