Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
