i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
