Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just got to costco. Where are you?

(602): View more from Arizona

Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..

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(815): View more from Illinois

Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.

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