it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
