So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
