You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your penis caused this!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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