watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have feelings that need drinking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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