Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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