so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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