mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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