Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
