Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
