Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
