Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
two words...techno handjob
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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