"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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