Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
