he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wow bdsm is so cute
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
