I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
3pm strippers are depressing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
