Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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