dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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