i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
