I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
