The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
