I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
