What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
