So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
