Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
