If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
