Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
