my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
