Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
