I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
