Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
