I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
