Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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