I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
