So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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