awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
