Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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