got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
