just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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