my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were trust falling into bushes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
