i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize