just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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