Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
