help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize