Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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