Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
