I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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