and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
