Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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