how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
