Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
