all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
