I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
