It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize