I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
