By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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