Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
