Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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