Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
