When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
