The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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