1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
