Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
