you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
