The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
