Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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