I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
