she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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