good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
