Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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