My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
