Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
