It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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