I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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