Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pants are for mortals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
