i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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