I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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