it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
