i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
