I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
