Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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