Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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