There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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