hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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