This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
