I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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