Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
