you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
