So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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