the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
