We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
