Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
