Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
