today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
