My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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