Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
