I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
