So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
