you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I smell stomach acid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
