NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
