when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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