he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
