i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
