listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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